That's how I've felt for such a long time. Useless, unloved, misunderstood. I've used the art of comparison to assist my destructive thinking. I've seen my faith as small. I've had the spiritual mind of a child, thinking of the gospel so simply. God forms us as physical children, but spiritual children as we age.
To truly uncover the gospel message is good news that lets us receive God’s grace like a child opening a present on Christmas morning. That feeling. That overwhelming joy and disbelief takes over a person.
I'm still learning.
This year has had the first significant trials that I have faced in life.
I'm still understanding.
How the gospel allows me to form relationships and form community.
I'm still realizing.
My faith isn't measured but felt. MY GOD is more than a presence but a person with a purpose. My flaws are only a matter of unspoken forgiveness. MY GOD is stronger than any worldly judgment. MY GOD'S love lasts longer than my life will. MY GOD'S grace is rooted in an impossible act of ransom to save my sins.
I'm still learning and understanding.
My emptiness is only an absence of prayer and a reliance on a human being that isn't capable of meeting my needs. I am not. I am not capable of meeting my own needs.
But the great I Am is more beautiful, powerful, gracious and forgiving than we will ever be. He chooses to share all of these qualities with us in the formation of our bodies and our hearts and our souls. Made in His image and handcrafted with His hands.
I am still learning how to accept an incomprehensible, perfect kind of love – and that I will never be empty.
Whitney Onyancha is in high school and has attended New Hope Church all her life. She finds that writing is a great way to decompress and process thoughts as she discovers more about herself. Whitney also enjoys diving, skiing, painting and playing violin.