I grew up in church. Some of my earliest memories are in church. My parents have been involved in several areas of service in the churches we have been in and, even now, that hasn't really changed. For the longest time, I was sure in my faith and I knew Jesus. Until middle school. Because it's always middle school.

With middle school came change. I was in 6th grade when Covid-19 hit Minnesota and it messed everything up. Although, I suppose middle school is made to shuffle things up. With Covid came separation from everyone. Confined to the walls of my room and social media, my mood and my way of living and functioning was disrupted. I no longer had church every Sunday and Wednesday, and I was not making my own effort to be with God.

Through social media, I was pulled into new ways of thinking, new ideas and new morals and standards, away from what God intended for me. I was wrapped up into politics and constant talk of discrimination and racism and sexism and all the other isms. I was yanked into the LGBT community and their way of thinking and being. It poisoned my mind and my heart. I became convinced that everyone hated me, that the country was after my rights, that God was against me, and that he never really loved me. It made way for severe anxiety and depression that I had never experienced before. 

All the hate I took in from the world was internalized and I came to hate everything about myself, from the way I talked, dressed, looked like, my interests, my very way of being—everything. And I spiraled deep into a constant state of anxiety and depression. Depression, anxiety, and Percy Jackson were my best friends during Covid, which I think should say something about my mental state that the only one on that list that's a person, isn't even a real person but a character in a book. My self-worth was based on how many friends I had and my grades. I didn't have many friends and, although I had straight A's, it was never really enough to satisfy.

It all came to a head one day, late in 8th grade, two years after Covid started, a year after the shooting at Plymouth, and a long time since I had truly had peace. I was listening to music, as I always did and still do. The numbness from my depression was awful that day, the worst I’d ever felt. I didn't want to get out of bed or go to school, or do anything. I wanted to go to sleep and, preferably, never wake up. I could barely move, it was so paralyzing. At the time, I was far, far away from God. At least that's what it felt like. I didn’t realize at the time that He’d been with me the whole time. I had only been listening to secular music and I remember that I was listening to Heat Waves by Glass Animals. Don't judge guys, it’s 2022. I changed the song to one I really liked during the summer of 2020, before my life and my mental state deteriorated. It's called I’ll Find You by Lecrae and Tori Kelly. 

Guys, when I tell you that the numbness left, I mean it. I went from feeling nothing to everything at once. I went to my next class with tears in my eyes and, with one prompt and a hug from my favorite teacher, I was crying every emotion I hadn't let myself feel for almost two years. I felt God's presence with me at that moment. A weight was lifted off me and I could finally breathe again. I heard Him through the song, I felt Him in my teacher's hug, and I could sense Him in my mom's care. And my life changed.

After that, church started going back to normal. My anxiety and depression didn't feel heavy or even present, not like before. I had so much peace, joy and wholeness, which I hadn't felt since elementary school. My whole life changed in one instant, with one choice. I let Jesus back into my life. I started taking my relationship with him more seriously. It was a slow and steady process that was jump started by one of the worst turned best days of my life.

I taught my first sermon at my church at the end of freshman year. I was baptized at the beginning of sophomore year. I taught others through The Chosen (a really amazing show that I highly recommend) during the spring of 2024 and gave my second sermon just before school let out at the end of my sophomore year. I found passion in public speaking, in teaching others, and in hearing their stories, their passions, and their own encounters with God. I wouldn't be here had I not reached out and taken the hand that was extended to me that day in 8th grade. I was given a second chance at life and I decided to take it. And I haven't looked back.

So much has changed about who I am after that day. I was once so angry, but I now feel peace and patience. I have better self-control and a steady mind. I will tell you now I wouldn't have that without Jesus. I wouldn't have peace or joy or freedom like I’ve found in Him.

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God is at work in the lives of the New Hope family, transforming us and making us new. We would love to hear your story of God's transforming power!

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